The Wayback Machine: Saturday mornings greatest hits

Most of us could never forget saturday morning cartoons, waking up, grabbing cereal,or maybe you were at a sleep over waking up in front of the TV. if you did forget what the fuck is a matter with you, stop reading this put your pj's on and go put on some Scooby Doo.Anyways I could never forget them to be honest. Now my generation had a few great ones but they tied in with after school cartoons mostly such as all Nicktoons and WB cartoons. The truly great ones I wasn't around for.

The original runs of Scooby Doo, Josie and the Pussycats (yes a gay imitation) were before my time, but most of them played repeats and I would watch religiously. Actually come to think of it I still watch my cartoons every week, I'll never grow up. I digress though one of the best things about some of these shows was the theme songs. Even growing up my music taste was on the rock side and I'll never forget the day my brother Greg brought home "Saturday Mornings Greatest Hits" a compilation of cartoon theme songs.

The compilation stretches 19 tracks and covers most my favorite old school shows. It kicks off with Liz Phair and material issue covering "The Banana song (TRA LA LA LA)" it's easily the poppiest I think she has ever done and it made it on to my running mix last year permanently. The next is "Sugar Sugar" by Mary Lou Lord and Semisonic, it perfectly captures the fun 60's groove of Archie. Next up is the king of Cartoon theme songs I'm talking of course about "Scooby Doo Where are you?" performed by Matthew Sweet, i must of played this a bunch as a kid and then again when I rediscovered it when I was 16. I swear I will never grow up.

After Scooby we of course have his gay imitation "Josie and the pussycats" performed by Juliana Hattfield and Tanya Donnelly (who? oh who cares its fucking good). After that the album dips out til the infamous Ramone's cover of "Spiderman". I honestly swear was there anything Joey Ramone couldn't do. Towards the end the album it gets a lil obscure for me but there is one amazing crown jewel, and that is Sublime's cover of "Hong Kong Phooey". Now I do not care for Sublime at all but this is a fucking winner and i can't even believe I'm saying that but yea love it! I feel that kids today are gipped when it comes to the opening theme song, its neat to see them immortalized as full songs, it makes them feel more competent even as low-art. While it just seems that todays cartoons are to sell crap and be cash cows!

Anyways while researching this I found the music videos made for this compilation featuring Drew Barrymore drunks 90's ass, Enjoy!

The Wayback Machine: Glenn Branca and his Noise Orchestra

Noise. Some people hear it and it makes them feel disjointed, annoyed and down right uncomfortable. For others noise does the exact opposite they find melody and harmony in the chaos and disonance and revel in it. Personally I can't get enough, my first Sonic Youth concert was somewhat of a religious experience(if i ever had one). Noise rock first really started to make its roots in the 70's and 80's, and with it's proto-roots in the 60's with acts such as "The Velvet Underground" and the Avant Garde composer John Cage (who is a total MO fyi). In the 80's bands like Sonic Youth really set the bar and perfected free form noise as they called it but they weren't the first to kick ass with noise. Before SY though and setting the bar rather high might I add was Composer Glenn Branca.



Glenn Branca made his name first on the NYC music scene back in the late 70's as part of several bands. It really wasn't until the the 80's though that he made his truly groundbreaking works "Lesson No.1" and "The Ascension". Both of these works were highly influential to modern music and the indie scene of 90's, and 00's especially.

The two records consisted of a few arrangements each of mild length with the exception of the Ascension whch clocks in at 13 minutes. On these two Glenn assembles an orchestra of about 4-5 guitar players(which included Lee Ranaldo and Thurston Moore of Sonic Youth) with one or two drum players. Branca here develops his signature style: use of repetition, feedback and of course droning which is really just too good on this album at times. Branca employs the use of alternative guitar tunings that he made himself to achieve his specific sound, much like that of his followers such as: SY, Liars, My bloody Valentine the list goes on.....

My favorite songs or arrangements as I should call them are "Lesson No.2" and "The Ascension". "Lesson No.2" made it on to my workout mix and hasnt left in months. It starts off with the thick churn of the guitar, yes it sounds like a churn, followed by a two punch of a drum that sounds as if its descending. I can only describe what follows as though it like someone's body having a breakdown walking down the street and dissolving into black, its breathtaking. "The Ascension" is much different it glitters and builds sounding of cold steel, then transforms into a warm glow that swallows the listener. Then it changes stopping and starting each time beaming back harder then the last .Truly Truly amazing stuff. And too boot it features one of my favorite album covers as well.

I leave you my favorite tracks by Glenn Branca and his ultra bad ass rock orchestra.

Never Nude's are real!

Now we all have some shame about our bodies (I blame religion), or things we want to change, basically I think everyone just wants to look good naked as Kevin Spacey put it in "American Beauty". But there are some who are deeply afflicted with this shame they can't even be nude around themselves, I am of course talking about "Nevernudes"

Oh the nevernude! Nevernudes made there public debut in my absolute favorite television series "Arrested Development" On the show Tobias (David Cross) suffers from a rare condition in which he can never be naked, even in front of himself. To remedy this he wears cut off jean shorts at all times. It's pretty amazing, and it was one of the choices for my halloween costume the past two years. I mean who doesn't look hysterical/amazing in a good pair of cut offs. So Last night I was watching the show and it popped into my head what if this really was a real affliction. Well it turns out it is and it's called "Gymnophobia".

I couldn't believe that it actually exists as a disorder but it does, and wikipedia does not lie. Obviously it stems from the lockeroom situation but to not even be nude in front of yourself, I'm baffled. I'm vain, if I am near a mirror I will stare at myself and fix my appearance. So friend's when choosing places to eat out never take me to a restaurant with lots of mirrors I'd get lost in my gaze. But I digress my heart goes out to all the nevernudes out there, there are dozens of you and i've seen a few at my gym they shower with clothes on, Bizarre! But I will leave you with there patron saint Tobias Fuhke.

The Wayback Machine; Scorpio Rising

When I was in art school which really wasn't too long ago, we had to watch what we called "art" films. Some of them were cool, some were irritating, while others were just well bad...... Most were were early on films that focused on style more then content, or they would be work about process. On occasion there was gem and this one of them

Scorpio Rising is a short film made by Kenneth Anger, it chronicles the activities of an NYC italian biker gang known as the Scorpios. The film is a focus mostly on the process of the bikers and there lifestyle it contains no dialogue. What it does contain is an amazing mash up to one of the greatest soundtracks ever put together. The film juxtaposes images of the bikers lifestyle (Drugs, bikes, booze, leather) up against hit singles from the 50's and 60's. Some of the featured tracks are "Hit The Road Jack"-Ray Charles, "Blue Velvet"-Bobby Vinton, "My Boyfriend is back"-The Angels, "Love is like a heat wave"-Martha Reeves, and "He's a Rebel" -The Crystals, "I Will Follow Him"- Little Peggy March (The infamous sister act song).

The film isn't cut and paste, in fact it is rather complex and its considered to be one of the first "post modern films". Essentially it starts off chronicling the bikers as they get ready for there evening. You know them fixing there bikes but after a few minutes it becomes clear that there's another intention in kenneth anger. Anger tries to impart an almost homoerotic air on the bikers in the film, quite frankly succeeds. At several points during the film he flashes the face on particular handsome biker, which can only be identified as alluring. During other parts he splices in scenes from comics that contain gay innuendos, and exploits the outright studlyness of James Dean at several points.





In my favorite scene which is juxtaposed to "Blue Velvet" we see footage of one biker getting dressed with specific attention paid to his torso, and his jeans.The viewer but can't hlp but feel the raw sexuality that he gives off, and you can't help but lust...




The film continues on to show that bikers at a private party in which they were masks, moon and pants each other. It's pretty gay but apparently there girlfriends are off camera, go figure. At the same time we see footage of one of the bikers decked in leather pissing on top of an altar, all of it very gay, very macho.





The film ends on a really fucked up note it actually has footage of a real dead body on camera. Apparently the film was supposed to end with a bike crash but it ended up happening for real, at the end you can see the dead bikers head as the police siren flashes.

The Wayback Machine: Little Peggy March

Sister Act was a movie I loved as a kid, SURPRISE!!!!!!! I mean what gay doesn't love that movie? One of the most memorable moments for me, is at the end when the sisters sing "I Will Follow Him". Easily the best musical scene in the film. As a young one I adored it and use to sing it at the top of my lungs. Then I got older and the song faded away into the recesses of my brain(it's a frightening place) Until then one day in school we watched Scorpio Rising and it came flooding back, i needed to find out who did the song and thanks to Shazam on my iphone I was able to find it. The genius behind the song is Little Peggy March.



Peggy March or "Little Peggy March" is the voice behind the worldwide million seller "I will follow Him". She was discovered when she was 13, and recorded the song when she was 14!! So hold up Miley your not the first bitch on the block, learn your place! Anyways the song was released in 1963, it rocketed her to stardom. The song became a worldwide hit and was even recorded in other languages including Japanese. Unfortunatly for lil March though her business manager squandered the majority of her fortune. After that she got a new man to watch her money, and then later married him. She continued to have a music career well into the 70', and she current;y has a new album in development.

Peggy went on to record other singles, which weren't as popular as the first one but still good, they just didn't sell as well. After viewing scorpio rising i found myself scouring the internet for them it took me a long time to find anything digital. My personal favorite besides "I Will Follow HIm" are "Wind-up Doll" and "I wish I were a Princess". Both songs have made apapearances in films. I flipped when I watched Hairspray a few months ago and heard "I wish I were a Princess" in one of the scenes. Below are some of my favoite tracks by Peggy March, I've included for shits and giggles the Japanese version of "I Will Follow Him"