The Wayback Machine: Saturday mornings greatest hits

Most of us could never forget saturday morning cartoons, waking up, grabbing cereal,or maybe you were at a sleep over waking up in front of the TV. if you did forget what the fuck is a matter with you, stop reading this put your pj's on and go put on some Scooby Doo.Anyways I could never forget them to be honest. Now my generation had a few great ones but they tied in with after school cartoons mostly such as all Nicktoons and WB cartoons. The truly great ones I wasn't around for.

The original runs of Scooby Doo, Josie and the Pussycats (yes a gay imitation) were before my time, but most of them played repeats and I would watch religiously. Actually come to think of it I still watch my cartoons every week, I'll never grow up. I digress though one of the best things about some of these shows was the theme songs. Even growing up my music taste was on the rock side and I'll never forget the day my brother Greg brought home "Saturday Mornings Greatest Hits" a compilation of cartoon theme songs.

The compilation stretches 19 tracks and covers most my favorite old school shows. It kicks off with Liz Phair and material issue covering "The Banana song (TRA LA LA LA)" it's easily the poppiest I think she has ever done and it made it on to my running mix last year permanently. The next is "Sugar Sugar" by Mary Lou Lord and Semisonic, it perfectly captures the fun 60's groove of Archie. Next up is the king of Cartoon theme songs I'm talking of course about "Scooby Doo Where are you?" performed by Matthew Sweet, i must of played this a bunch as a kid and then again when I rediscovered it when I was 16. I swear I will never grow up.

After Scooby we of course have his gay imitation "Josie and the pussycats" performed by Juliana Hattfield and Tanya Donnelly (who? oh who cares its fucking good). After that the album dips out til the infamous Ramone's cover of "Spiderman". I honestly swear was there anything Joey Ramone couldn't do. Towards the end the album it gets a lil obscure for me but there is one amazing crown jewel, and that is Sublime's cover of "Hong Kong Phooey". Now I do not care for Sublime at all but this is a fucking winner and i can't even believe I'm saying that but yea love it! I feel that kids today are gipped when it comes to the opening theme song, its neat to see them immortalized as full songs, it makes them feel more competent even as low-art. While it just seems that todays cartoons are to sell crap and be cash cows!

Anyways while researching this I found the music videos made for this compilation featuring Drew Barrymore drunks 90's ass, Enjoy!

The Wayback Machine: Glenn Branca and his Noise Orchestra

Noise. Some people hear it and it makes them feel disjointed, annoyed and down right uncomfortable. For others noise does the exact opposite they find melody and harmony in the chaos and disonance and revel in it. Personally I can't get enough, my first Sonic Youth concert was somewhat of a religious experience(if i ever had one). Noise rock first really started to make its roots in the 70's and 80's, and with it's proto-roots in the 60's with acts such as "The Velvet Underground" and the Avant Garde composer John Cage (who is a total MO fyi). In the 80's bands like Sonic Youth really set the bar and perfected free form noise as they called it but they weren't the first to kick ass with noise. Before SY though and setting the bar rather high might I add was Composer Glenn Branca.



Glenn Branca made his name first on the NYC music scene back in the late 70's as part of several bands. It really wasn't until the the 80's though that he made his truly groundbreaking works "Lesson No.1" and "The Ascension". Both of these works were highly influential to modern music and the indie scene of 90's, and 00's especially.

The two records consisted of a few arrangements each of mild length with the exception of the Ascension whch clocks in at 13 minutes. On these two Glenn assembles an orchestra of about 4-5 guitar players(which included Lee Ranaldo and Thurston Moore of Sonic Youth) with one or two drum players. Branca here develops his signature style: use of repetition, feedback and of course droning which is really just too good on this album at times. Branca employs the use of alternative guitar tunings that he made himself to achieve his specific sound, much like that of his followers such as: SY, Liars, My bloody Valentine the list goes on.....

My favorite songs or arrangements as I should call them are "Lesson No.2" and "The Ascension". "Lesson No.2" made it on to my workout mix and hasnt left in months. It starts off with the thick churn of the guitar, yes it sounds like a churn, followed by a two punch of a drum that sounds as if its descending. I can only describe what follows as though it like someone's body having a breakdown walking down the street and dissolving into black, its breathtaking. "The Ascension" is much different it glitters and builds sounding of cold steel, then transforms into a warm glow that swallows the listener. Then it changes stopping and starting each time beaming back harder then the last .Truly Truly amazing stuff. And too boot it features one of my favorite album covers as well.

I leave you my favorite tracks by Glenn Branca and his ultra bad ass rock orchestra.

Never Nude's are real!

Now we all have some shame about our bodies (I blame religion), or things we want to change, basically I think everyone just wants to look good naked as Kevin Spacey put it in "American Beauty". But there are some who are deeply afflicted with this shame they can't even be nude around themselves, I am of course talking about "Nevernudes"

Oh the nevernude! Nevernudes made there public debut in my absolute favorite television series "Arrested Development" On the show Tobias (David Cross) suffers from a rare condition in which he can never be naked, even in front of himself. To remedy this he wears cut off jean shorts at all times. It's pretty amazing, and it was one of the choices for my halloween costume the past two years. I mean who doesn't look hysterical/amazing in a good pair of cut offs. So Last night I was watching the show and it popped into my head what if this really was a real affliction. Well it turns out it is and it's called "Gymnophobia".

I couldn't believe that it actually exists as a disorder but it does, and wikipedia does not lie. Obviously it stems from the lockeroom situation but to not even be nude in front of yourself, I'm baffled. I'm vain, if I am near a mirror I will stare at myself and fix my appearance. So friend's when choosing places to eat out never take me to a restaurant with lots of mirrors I'd get lost in my gaze. But I digress my heart goes out to all the nevernudes out there, there are dozens of you and i've seen a few at my gym they shower with clothes on, Bizarre! But I will leave you with there patron saint Tobias Fuhke.

The Wayback Machine; Scorpio Rising

When I was in art school which really wasn't too long ago, we had to watch what we called "art" films. Some of them were cool, some were irritating, while others were just well bad...... Most were were early on films that focused on style more then content, or they would be work about process. On occasion there was gem and this one of them

Scorpio Rising is a short film made by Kenneth Anger, it chronicles the activities of an NYC italian biker gang known as the Scorpios. The film is a focus mostly on the process of the bikers and there lifestyle it contains no dialogue. What it does contain is an amazing mash up to one of the greatest soundtracks ever put together. The film juxtaposes images of the bikers lifestyle (Drugs, bikes, booze, leather) up against hit singles from the 50's and 60's. Some of the featured tracks are "Hit The Road Jack"-Ray Charles, "Blue Velvet"-Bobby Vinton, "My Boyfriend is back"-The Angels, "Love is like a heat wave"-Martha Reeves, and "He's a Rebel" -The Crystals, "I Will Follow Him"- Little Peggy March (The infamous sister act song).

The film isn't cut and paste, in fact it is rather complex and its considered to be one of the first "post modern films". Essentially it starts off chronicling the bikers as they get ready for there evening. You know them fixing there bikes but after a few minutes it becomes clear that there's another intention in kenneth anger. Anger tries to impart an almost homoerotic air on the bikers in the film, quite frankly succeeds. At several points during the film he flashes the face on particular handsome biker, which can only be identified as alluring. During other parts he splices in scenes from comics that contain gay innuendos, and exploits the outright studlyness of James Dean at several points.





In my favorite scene which is juxtaposed to "Blue Velvet" we see footage of one biker getting dressed with specific attention paid to his torso, and his jeans.The viewer but can't hlp but feel the raw sexuality that he gives off, and you can't help but lust...




The film continues on to show that bikers at a private party in which they were masks, moon and pants each other. It's pretty gay but apparently there girlfriends are off camera, go figure. At the same time we see footage of one of the bikers decked in leather pissing on top of an altar, all of it very gay, very macho.





The film ends on a really fucked up note it actually has footage of a real dead body on camera. Apparently the film was supposed to end with a bike crash but it ended up happening for real, at the end you can see the dead bikers head as the police siren flashes.

The Wayback Machine: Little Peggy March

Sister Act was a movie I loved as a kid, SURPRISE!!!!!!! I mean what gay doesn't love that movie? One of the most memorable moments for me, is at the end when the sisters sing "I Will Follow Him". Easily the best musical scene in the film. As a young one I adored it and use to sing it at the top of my lungs. Then I got older and the song faded away into the recesses of my brain(it's a frightening place) Until then one day in school we watched Scorpio Rising and it came flooding back, i needed to find out who did the song and thanks to Shazam on my iphone I was able to find it. The genius behind the song is Little Peggy March.



Peggy March or "Little Peggy March" is the voice behind the worldwide million seller "I will follow Him". She was discovered when she was 13, and recorded the song when she was 14!! So hold up Miley your not the first bitch on the block, learn your place! Anyways the song was released in 1963, it rocketed her to stardom. The song became a worldwide hit and was even recorded in other languages including Japanese. Unfortunatly for lil March though her business manager squandered the majority of her fortune. After that she got a new man to watch her money, and then later married him. She continued to have a music career well into the 70', and she current;y has a new album in development.

Peggy went on to record other singles, which weren't as popular as the first one but still good, they just didn't sell as well. After viewing scorpio rising i found myself scouring the internet for them it took me a long time to find anything digital. My personal favorite besides "I Will Follow HIm" are "Wind-up Doll" and "I wish I were a Princess". Both songs have made apapearances in films. I flipped when I watched Hairspray a few months ago and heard "I wish I were a Princess" in one of the scenes. Below are some of my favoite tracks by Peggy March, I've included for shits and giggles the Japanese version of "I Will Follow Him"

The Wayback Machine: Holidays edition

So I meant when I said I need to start blogging more these days. So here is a holiday edition of the Wayback Machine.

This week we travel back to 1965 for what could be the greatest christmas special ever made. I'm talking of course about the wonderful slice of americana that is "A Charlie Brown Christmas". Now I just need to get this out of the way, I love Peanuts, I repeat Love and had somewhat of Linus complex as a child(I had security blanket). This is the one thing that I must watch every year without fail. Now that i've established that I can continue.

Now there are many things that make this a great special. Numero Uno is the music. "A Charlie Brown Christmas" was scored by Vince Guaraldi and remains at the top of my holiday music. The music beautifully underscores the quietness of Peanuts and accuentates the dryness of the characters. In a way the music becomes it's own character. One of my favorite tracks "Christmas time is here" has made reoccuring appearances in popular culture most notably in "The Royal Tenenbaums". Aside from that how the hell can you not like Schroder and his piano. You have to figure he was kind of the stud in Peanuts or at least Lucy always was after him, so he at least attracted one psycho bitch.

I digress though "A Charlie Brown Christmas" is special because of the one of the main principals that Peanuts ran on and that was heart. Peanuts was somewhat personal for cartoonist Charles Schultz, the characters were based off of childhood friends, so in that way he cared, the characters meant something to him. Charlie Brown in this story is down in the dumps over the commercilization of christmas and he feels that he and everyone else has lost touch. in an attempt to get back in touch he becomes director of the school play, it doesn't go well...there's some rude kids, a terminally ill tree and snoopy is being a diva as usual. Anyways at the end Charlie puts it all aside and finds the spirit of christmas along with the other children. (I cut out all the parts about the christianity stuff, hmm wonder why)



It's funny to think though that "A Charlie Brown Christmas" did suffer alot of problems one of the things is that the special was used by its sponsor Coca-Cola to hock soda to families. Too bad no one has seen a print with this since the first three years that it ran. Anyways I leave you with the opening of "A Charlie Brown"

The Wayback Machine

So I've been wanting to start blogging again and one of the things I've decided to do is weekly segment one that I can at least stick to so here it is my new weekly segment THE WAYBACK MACHINE!!

Basically a quick blog about something that is from the past, henceforth the Mr. Peabody and Sherman reference.

So my for the first entry we are gonna travel back to the 30's and 40's to the euphoirc sound of "The Ink Spots". The Ink Spots were an all black vocal group and were one of the most popular vocal groups of all time. The group was known for it's simple song structure, beautiful lyrics and excellent specifically the tenor. In there time and they had several number one hits and there music has been covered and used in popular culture frequently. Quite frankly though I discovered them and one of favorite tracks while I was playing Bioshock and then another song was selected as the opening to Fallout 3. The group even inspired one of video pieces for my independent study. So for your viewing pleasure I have my two favorite tracks "If I didn't Care" which is the most popular, followed by "I Don't Want to Set the World on Fire". I would of had 3 but it's hard to find them on youtube.

It's the most wonderful time of the year, and I work in retail

I'm going to start off by saying that I haven't been blogging because I've been lazy/busy but today I realized that alot of interactions at work are blog worthy.

OK So picture it Long Island, present day. It is 10AM and it is a brisk December morning, the air is crisp and the sun is shining, and it's bright very bright. It seems like the sun is always brighter in the winter and yet today was no exception, or it was probably just my mild hangover. Anyways I drive to work and it's strangely easy, there's no one out on the road and the timing on all the traffic lights is just right and I breeze to work. I park, pay the meter and then go into my store through the front entrance since the gate is still down in the back. When I open the door and walk in I see my boss and a already in the store and I know this kid, and at this point it becomes clear this kid has been sent from some other dimension to punish me for something.

I walk behind the register hug my boss, we're cool like that and she shoots me a look of "You have to got to be kidding me, with this frickin kid" After our exchange he begins saying he wants to make an exchange the whole time being very antsy and not being able to finish a sentence. Nerds tend to get overexcited and can't finish sentences. Now straight nerds are annoying to deal with especially when your hungover and its even worse when they are quite strange looking. This patron in particular had front teeth that were not uniform and various size like a beaver that chipped a tooth.In addition he had one of those moustaches that's never going to come to fruition until he's in his late 20's til then it just looks gross but its so vile that you stare while trying not to look out of equal repulsion and fascination..

Anyways he plops his backpack on the floor and pulls out a 360 and 3 games and a 120 GB hard drive. So I ask so what you looking for and he exclaims the new 4 GB xbox bundle. Now follow here the customer is exchanging the 120 GB model for a 4GB just because its newer.So I do the return . Now we have no bundles so i inform the kid that they bundle in the ad is just some stuff thrown together which it is. I recommend buying the system with a hard drive and a game as opposed to the fore mentioned "bundle", which just includes a charge cable and an HDMI. He exclaims yea but this "bundle sounds like a sweet deal". I then drudge to the back retrieve the system. I plop the system on the counter and the kid looks dumbfounded and asks "I thought this was a bundle wheres the other stuff?". I turn from the customer and rub my temples I feel like ass. i tell him its not packaged together and he then steps aside to think about it. Now this is a no fuckin brainer would you exchange a system with a 120 GB hard drive for 4GB? FUCK NO

After a few he comes back and decides to go with the previously mentioned "bundle". I ring it up and then he begins to complain how nothing in the bundle is on sale. I then reassure the kid is that's what I told him and that it wasn't a wise decision. But once again he does not listen and then paid 100 bucks out of pocket for a system downgrade. All the while exclaiming wow what sweet bundle. Now in my line of work theres a fine line between idiot, nerd and aspergers, this kid was definitely the first one. He then proceeded to leave and get on his bike with the system in hand.

Later that day he called to tell us that the system he returned had a game stuck in it and they'd he'd be back after a week to get it. Yea he's never coming for it, people are dumb.

Tis the Season

Yay my favorite holiday is almost here, and obviously I'm talking about Halloween. Yes Halloween, I love nothing more then an excuse to watch bad horror movies, put on a ridiculous costume, consume large amounts of candy then followed by drinking. Last year was pretty good but Halloween is always good it is me and my bf's anniversary and this year it's #3 but this will be our 4th halloween together.

Last year was great, I was Terry from Reno 911, and My bf was Lt. Dangle. We ended up marching in the parade with my friend Doug, who then proceeded to make out with some totally busted chick, but he was thoroughly drunk so it's all good(no it's not). The parade was fun and we ended up just going from bar to bar finally ending up at bartini and gettin wasted with a mormon wedding. All in all a good time.

Now usually I get really into Halloween in the past I have been Passion of the Christ Jesus in which i was covered head to toe in fake blood. Then before that I was a secretary, but only because I was gonna be teen wolf but then Michael J Fox released a video of him talking about his Parkinson's so i figured it be in bad taste, and also i couldn't return the wig. I wore a red dress with the biggest shoulder pads you've ever seen, and didn't shave a thing. Followed by hipster zombie (yea that was a dud!) and zombie lumberjack(winner).

Now usually, I have a ton of ideas of what to do or be but this year I'm stumped I for once have no clue. i need to get the ball rolling on this one. Anyways here is the only picture that exsists of my secretary costume i have no recollection of the most of this evening, and a picture of last years affair. Anyways I'll be writing a second part to this entirely devoted to halloween candy.

Fuck Twilight, Go See Let Me In

I just got back from seeing "Let Me In" , the remake of the danish/Swedish (it's all the same to me there weird and fair skinned) film and all I have to say is this Fuck Twilight and Fuck Stephanie Meyers and the hack camel she rode in on. Sorry I've been holding that back for a while.

The movie focuses on a young boy named Owen who lives in New Mexico. Owen is picked on and bullied at school, and since having no friends the boy befriends his next door neighbor Abby a girl who only comes seems to come out at night. Over time it becomes clear shes a vampire, and the two develop a friendship, which is the main emphasis of the film. It's screwed up but that good kind of screwed up especially when the bullies get there comeuppance.

No but seriously I applaud the makers of "Let Me In" this movie was solid and faithful to the original without watering down the content, which sadly is what happens with most foreign films when they get remade in America. Not this one though they managed to keep the same feel and mood of the original but of course though since this is America they upped the amount of blood, which is fine this a is a vampire flick, bring it on.

One of the films strongest parts is that it doesn't focus on too much vampire explaining the vampire lore, it doesn't ask stupid back story questions and just keeps it to the basic, She needs blood. she can't go out in the daylight otherwise she explodes, and finally you have to invite her in otherwise blood will ooze out of there bodies and that's not gonna come out of the carpet easily. I like that the film didn't answer questions or try to humanize her habit like Stephanie Meyers does in twilight. I mean honestly vegetarian Vampires, that's fucking lame.

Anywho I give this a movie an A, it was awesome, Fuck Twilight! Oh and on that final note Vampires are supposed to burst into flames when exposed to sunlight not glitter like a damn disco ball!

HOTT

So i was at work today,when I went walking over to panera to fill up my soda cup ( i buy one a week and re use it, don't judge its a recession). Anyways while I was bending down to dump my soda out onto the curb I picked my head and was met with this.




Wow, HottMess I mean come on REALLY someone actually made this there vanity plate. Whats even worse is that hot has two t's so you know that there is some other winner who resides in this good state who has already chosen "HotMess". I mean can you imagine this person at the DMV being told that someone much trashier has already beaten them to the punch. But I think what make really awful is that they framed in the plate in a peace sign plastered frame, I feel that a "south of the border" or "Senor Frog's" would of been more befitting. Unfortunately I didn't get to see the owner the goddess that owns this vehicle, but I can only imagine what she looked like, and all i can say is I'm sure they will haunt me in my dreams....

Also they were parked in a handicapped spot without permit. HOTTMESS

Come out, come out wherever you are!

So I'd just like to say especially in light of recent events nationwide, Happy Coming Day. I came out actually six years ago sometime during this month and can honestly say it was the best thing i have ever done. After coming out I finally started to feel that I belong and those ads aren't whitsling dixie it does get better. in honor of national coming out day I give you Ms Cyndi Lauper.

Back

I'm blowing the dust off this blog. New entry later today.

Story of the Year

So I overheard this story. Unfortunately I cannot divulge where, and when or exactly whom but for the story sakes.

So I was in a retail store that may or may or not buy and sell used games. Anyways this gentleman was lamenting over the loss of his beloved Xbox 360. Now this is common for one of those things to break because of a design flaw that Microsoft has never changed! Anyways we all that over head just assumed it was the normal red ring of death malfunction that happens to every onwner. But nope apparently this dude broke his X-Box deliberately so we asked how and why? And so he told us....

Apparently this gentleman was using his computer through his tv in order to webcam (yea he wasnt shy about it at all) with women online. (Wait they're women out there who webcam really!?) So apparently this specfic session as he called it was particularly hot and began to escalate. So the girl eventually asks this dude to piss on himself and something electronic so what does he do? He pulls his Xbox out which is on and lets his stream loose on himself and then his Xbos which is on and begins to spark and crackle. Apparently he told us that the session got even crazier but we all declined the details we were all about to loose our lunch. So the gentleman if we can call him that, revealed that he had broken four other cams in the past with his camming antics. My only questions is What the fuck did he do to those other cams? No wait on second thought I don't want to know.

Crush

Sorry for the hiatus I have been busy since I now have some sort of a job.

Anyways I recently discovered Ian Roberts the first out Rugby Player. I think its safe to say he's kind of perfect in every way and it looks like he's got a big one!

COUNTESS!!!!!!!

WTF THE COUNTESS HAS RELEASED A SINGLE "MONEY CAN'T BUY YOU CLASS". THIS IS BEYOND TERRIBLE, WHERE DOES ONE BEGIN THE LYRICS, THE VOCAL FILTER, HER!!!!! ALL I GOTTA SAY THAT THIS IS WORSE THEN KIM FROM REAL HOUSEWIVES, LIKE WAY WORSE. ALL I CAN THINK OF IS THAT SHE IS SOME SORT OF MAN IN DRAG SINGING.

Download Countess LuAnn - Money Can't Buy You Class

New Muse's

So once in a great while the stars seem to align and alot of good music gets put out all at once. As we know LCD is dropping there album in May right before I see them. The other great new piece of musical goodness is Broken Social Scene's new album titled Forgiveness Rock Record. SOOOO FUCKIN GOOOOOOOD!

I love BSS for so many reasons! It all started when I was 17 and I saw them for free at an instore at Other Music (How did a 7 person band fit in that place??). Little did I know at the time I was standing inches from Feist at the time. But I digress they blew me away, and they continue to do so with every record and this new one is no exception. As always the album feels somewhat very Lush, which is natural considering how many musician play on the album. BSS is made up of several bands and the album usually has 25+ people playing on it. But what I love is that this band always seems to be working so well together, and the music feels that it's almost effortless.

Also the new Caribou Album "Swim" is pretty frickin sweet too!

Ok Ripa, you win!

There are alot of dumb celebs out there. I wrote Kelly Ripa off when she was working with Regis mostly because I despise Regis Philbin. Anyways the girl won respect from me when I discovered this SNL Commercial. I love seeing a celebrity doing something so against there character and sometimes it borders on genius, this is one of those times!

Happy 4/20

Happy 4/20! (check out this blast from the past!)

Bloomin Bukake's

So spring is here and this means many things mostly that everything is in bloom and pretty again. Most of the time this is a pleasant season unless you suffer from allergies, then it's hell, but i enjoy spring because everything smells fresh again. Anyways I was running today when my nose was roused by a familiar smell I looked around to notice the Dogwood trees are in bloom or as call them "The Bukake Tree" OR "Cum Tree". Either way you get the same image.

I have deemed them "Bukake tree's" because they smell like baby batter, or what i would imagine a cum bath would smell like, it's as simple as that! Also they do not faintly smell like it, they smell exactly like it. Now this wouldn't have been so bad if my town hadn't decided to plant them on every block! So while I was running today it felt like I was stuck in a bad porno that was stuck on the moneyshot! Seriously It smells like on old cum rag in this town! I wonder if my town was aware of these tree's strange side effect of smelling like spooge! Thankfully there only in bloom for a few days and then it's over!